red-fox-child

So, if you've been watching me here on Deviantart for some time, you've probably noticed I haven't been very active lately. I kind of feel I owe the explanation, mostly because I want to talk about this, even if it's maybe way too personal to share with everyone, but anyway.

Two years ago I started having some weird health problems (and just to mention I was a sickly kiddo all my life). I don't want to go into details, all you need to know is that those problems weren't anything dangerously serious. They just made me feel too weak to do my regular work. They mostly affected my college life, since I actually had to spend my time outside the house, and I was constantly feeling exhausted and in pain. And the pain was sometimes that horrible that I even failed a few exams because of it. And my life besides college was basically just laying in bed sleeping because I was too weak to do anything else (I was able to sleep for like 20 hours per day I guess). My inspiration and motivation went completely down. I was forcing myself to do a few artworks and post them here and on Instagram (more on Instagram than here) but those artworks were nothing I could be proud of. I haven't developed my skills at all. And that's what's bothering me right now. Luckily, I'm starting to feel much better, and those health problems are slightly fading! I feel like I've never been healthier than now, and it's really making me happy about myself. I can spend more time outside without feeling exhausted. And my inspiration is recovering, which means I might be ready to go back into that art thing again.

But, what's bothering me is the fact that I'm not happy with my artworks. I'm constantly asking myself why I'm still trying, like, there's no point in doing something you're obviously not as good as you would like to be. And comparing myself to others isn't helping at all. Sometimes I want to delete all my art accounts on social media because I feel too ashamed of my paintings. And at the same time all I truly want to do in my life is painting. My anxiety is making the situation even worse. At the same time, I feel like giving up and keeping up what I'm doing. Anyway, that's basically what I'm going through right now. You probably know me as a happy person here on Deviantart because I didn't want to bother you all with my problems (after all, everyone have some problems, eh?), but I really wanted to write things down after such a long inactivity phase on social media. I don't know if anyone's going to read this or leave some kind of feedback, but I'll leave this journal here, at least for myself.

Hope you're all having a great time! Love you! <3

• 1. How long have you been on DeviantArt? I already answered in the introduction. A year.

• 2. What does your username mean? Uhmm, well that's a good question. I personally feel like I'm lost in this world, on Earth, with a bunch of strangers around me. I also feel like my mind is traveling through space, far away from everything and everybody. That is the explanation for lost minds. Why realm? Well, when I was creating an acc on deviantArt I thought it would be a different than it really is. I saw DA as something similar to Tumblr, you know, where you make friends not by art, but by your personality. So I expected people with similar personality to mine but soon I realized that art is what makes you different than others. I'm absolutely not disappointed now!

• 3. Describe yourself in three words. shy, childish, caring

• 4. Are you left or right handed? right handed

• 5. What was your first deviation? The drawing of Rikka Takanashi from anime Love, chunibyo and other delusions. The first anime I watched and my first anime/manga drawing ever.
  
  

• 6. What is your favourite type of art to create? all types of traditional

• 7. If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be? Uhhh, I desperately want to be pro at digital landscapes and fantasy scenery. Everytime I try to make something in that style I want to punch myself how bad it looks like

• 8. What was your first favourite? Let me see... Dragon by ponponxu  (I reeeeally like dragons) 

• 9. What type of art do you tend to favourite the most? Watercolor (and copic) anime/manga and digital fantasy scenery, I find them most impressive

• 10. Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist? Not sure about this one but I think Naschi

• 11. If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?  I don't know the answer to this one. I haven't made any friends here, so I cannot tell.

• 12. How has a fellow deviant impacted your life? Other people here give me inspiration to make my own art. Sometimes I feel like I need to compete them, it really helps me to develop my skills.

• 13. What are your preferred tools to create art? Pencils (mostly Derwent) and watercolor. I would also like to try copic markers. They are too expensive though. I would be really happy to get them as a birthday gift.

• 14. What is the most inspirational place for you to create art? My room. And here's my desk where I create art:
  
  

• 15. What is your favourite DeviantArt memory? Is it bad to say that I don't have any? But there will sure be!
  
  
  
  Sorry for my bad english. I'm not a native speaker and just woke up the moment before I start to write this, so expect a lot of mistakes.